Love Never Dies

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Re: Love Never Dies

Postby Sono_gioiosa » Wed Dec 30, 2020 11:25 am

First and foremost, I would like to greet everyone a happy new year wherever part of the world the members here. This year 2020 is really challenging and affected the whole world because of this virus called corona virus and seems the worst year I have experience in my whole life. Despite of this, I still believe that the Almighty waste nothing of what is going on in the world. There is always good to every situation even in bad times. I battle and struggle in my life, in fact my life in retrospect, was and is full of bad rather than good. However, I try my best to see the bright side rather than the good side. Many times, my mind is telling me "No body understand, Nobody cares, Nobody listen, Nobody notices. These feelings that I have and the burden that carry is just too heavy. I feel like I am beyond repair.God does not waste anything even the bad thing. I try sort of anything, but it is just doesn't work for me. However, faith in God has greatly affected me gives me hope. It just then come to my mind that sometimes we need darkness in life so we can see the bright light. I always remind myself and to anyone else b
that He has the best interest for us. He knows what He is doing. Let Him work in our lives by trusting Him, giving our hearts and desires.

I used to give say about what I do in terms of relationship towards my family members because that is the way I can relate to it. It is so vague and sometimes hypocritical to say that "let us do good works" or "let us love one another" or "let us be a blessing to each other" and we do not do what we say. And sometimes, and many times, someone will bash us of not being consistent to what we say and do. And I experienced that even without any intention to hurt someone else. We all not perfect.

Yes, each person has issues in life especially now that it is so overwhelming. A lot of people in the world lost jobs or any means of living. Over the news yesterday, a woman was trying to commit suicide because of postpartum depression, his husband leave her with a 7 month baby. In 3 consecutive days, there are killing of children ages 1 and 3 by the father because of mental problem cause by hardship in life.

Having different issues in life and seeking to live beyond that, we tend to seek help, and having self-help book for us are always available. However, are they they give us answers that we need? Indeed, some are useful, some are not too useful and some are not.

Self-help books, philosophy, spirituality, motivational, counseling books are written from the point of view of the author, some are based on science and research and some are just purely point of view. With that in mind, how can we know that that point of view are useful, and that we are not focusing on something that isn't going to bring benefits? I really love to read motivational books, spiritual books though sometimes i become skeptical and this leads the idea to balance what could really help my pwn self development. It is good to be true, and so enticing that those ideas is working in us as it works to others and try to something to live by. However, the problem is, one person's idea don't always add up to the set of rules you should abide by for the rest of your days. We're all different and that one size never fits all. I do believe that the best idea and give you food for thought, helping you to expand the theory in your own way. I believe that the information of different idea or thought have different interpretation depending on the point of view and how you connect with the idea.

Some ideas I read from different sources of self help books, I found out that there are some that worked well, however some didn't resonate at all. That only shows that the information, ideas, life's philosophy and other words of wisdom that I read and study from different sources might have claim to have answers in life's greatest mysteries, perhaps, some fall short of the mark, depending on your own view.

I read your (Mystic) view and all you have written these days. I do appreciate the effort you put into. One of the thing that I have learned in the different self books that I have read, is that, to do a selfless good deed. An small act of kindness can improve your self-esteem. Again, I can relate to this, I get a factor of feeling-good for doing something nice for another person by helping them them out in some way, and that is a selfless way because we are putting our own time and effort. In either way, small or big acts of kindness, is always encouraged. Because, we are not only helping someone and putting smile on their faces, however, it also boost someone's self esteem as a result. Being kind of having good deed could be anything. To be specific, it could be just a listener, could just of of giving encouragement and gives positive outlook in life if someone is negative or feeling down, or it could be respecting the parents, even if my mother or father hurt my feelings to the point of cursing me. Or not to bash someone's belief or retaliate to someone about your belief because you value relationship and just understand differences for the sake of not hurting someone and just let someone say negative or bashing. In fact, the Bible describe Love in I Corinthian 13:4-8, that Love is... kind. Love respects, respects differences. I try not to retaliate of the pain I read here because I am teaching myself to be respectful to you and be kind because I do believe that is true love. It is just the same in the family, the more I get connected to them and help them in any ways, I feel more happier. Love is to connect in the heart and build harmonious relationship and in achieving that, is to respect differences and I learn to accept the differences of my family members even people here and embrace the people here. It simply means learn to agree even of we disagree.

Another way that I have learn is to learn to talk to myself kindly. And not only to myself but to others. This social anxiety we get due to negativity from family, surrounding and from news have greatly affected my mental health. Negative way of talking can quickly erode our self esteem and force us to negative mindset that which controls our lives. I do believe i can relate to this. Being intolerant to other religious beliefs creates division to relationship. I can relate to this because, when I was working before, different beliefs we possess. Some are Muslim, some are Catholic, some are not Catholic, and some are Buddhism. We come to the point of sharing our beliefs, and we have different beliefs. Though, I am not a Seventh day adventist, there are certain food that I do not eat like there are sea foods, i also not to mix different food combination, though and also try to observe shabbat. Also, I do not eat blood, but mostly catholic do. I do not drink wine, but i drink fruit wine. It is just examples.

Another, is I learn to focus on the things that I need to be grateful than to be complained about. I have what ifs in life. I have regrets too. However, I try to focus myself to the things that I need to be grateful. Sometimes, we take forgranted the things and people we have around us and realize and think if they are not there anymore. Even, if a little we/i have, I am grateful. I say, thank you, Lord for giving another day for it is another hope. Thank you that I have a family. And so in doing, Thank you, Mystic, for your thoughts and efforts you have shared. In some sort, it challenges me. Imagine, I need to read history about the Bible to connect from old testament to new testament. If only we could go back in time, then we fully understand.

For previous weeks, I was reading a lot until evening, though my niece and nephews have their final exam, mentoring them, helping their assignments, follow up how their grades, their investigatory projects and so on and so fort, i learn to connect more to my family and it is an amazing experience money cannot buy. In fact, I really prioritize relationship.

Another thing that I learn that really works for me is to learn our languages enhances our relationship. Have we stopped and think that perhaps we should treat other people as they wanted to be treated instead rather than to assume that we should treat other people as they wanted us to be treated. I have read that one of the biggest mistake we can make a relationship is to assume that your partner wants things the same way as you, and they will respond to a certain events inthe same way as you do.We are all different and so we have different likes and dislikes. We respond differently to situations and that means thinking about how someone respond, rather than how you would respond. And i learn that there are 5main love languages. Accordingly, by learning others how they wanted to be treated and now how you would want to be treated you can have a better communication and have a better relationship overall. For me it works to my family relationship especially to brother-sisters relationship. For niece/ nephews -aunt relationship, it is more of guidance and showing things what I did that works for me in relation to studies that have worked for me. In relation, i guess it will really work if we know how we wanted to be treated. Did you know that based on studies, at age 14 up to adult, someone does not want to tell them what to do, rather let them do what they want to do and explore or let them discover things by themselves what works for them and allow them to make mistake?

My mind right now is exhausted. My brain is hurt reading and studying, figure out how to make a living this pandemic. I need to have some quite time. Hope everyone have a prosperous new year.
When you do not know what to do or which way to turn, smile. This will relax your mind and let the sunshine of happiness into your soul.
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Re: Love Never Dies

Postby mystic » Thu Dec 31, 2020 4:58 am

My goodness, when can I have rest in my bin? I renew my commitment to do my last post here then. I see that we still don't reach the right communication.

I know how you feel, because I have this gift and curse that I can read through. I know how you want to be treated or I should treat you, but I'm not here for that. I think you had an accelerated maturation with events, but you have a strong fallback mechanism that brings you back and prevents you from really progressing. What I am here about is to vanish that burden that you are carrying and that is very visible to anyone. So, my words will be very harsh and offend you. I don't expect you accept them, or understand them now. Maybe in 10-20 years. I am happy just if the seed is sown and I know that one day you will think again of my words and they will become clear to you. If you only could water the seed, you might see a wonder. Just relax your mind, try to see my words like you would be another person. What I say has no cultural or religious mindset. That's not the point. The point is shaking the castle.

A time for every thing. Now, time to relax now and be open to insights and perception. From ancient knowledge as well as in psychology, a person is the outcome of genes and environment. With environment, we must see the things that really impacted us in our past. Father, mother, cursing you, brother mistreating you, any of those things. They leave a deep mark inside that will condition your entire life. Ancient wisdom called it self fulfilling prophecy. I don't remember how this is called in modern psychology, but it is explained as the person tries to re-create that trauma in the entire existence, till it becomes true and annihilates you. Example, a girl abused when she was young, maybe by her father. She will be unable to have a normal marriage and experience a normal love. She will always feel unsatisfied and look for a husband that can abuse her, which reminds here of her "family", however problematic the remembrance can be. But she learned that a family is so and she cannot bring out her feelings in a different way. She will inevitably choose a husband that will mistreat and even kill her. And the prophecy will become true. That is explained as a "loop". An English word is "strings of the past", but they are not lines. They are circles, because they feed themselves with themselves. Pain and suffering feed of themselves. Those are basic things one must become aware of. If you don't see the stage of the battle, you already lost.

If you re-read your posts, your twofold aspect is very evident. I could write it in technical words that you might not understand. I'm trying to say it by examples and reasoning, but I assure you, there is nothing new under the sun. People with a smaller personality and spiritual level would not understand this twofold aspect. They will just feel something strange to which they can give no name. But it will lead them to break up with you, or treat you in the wrong way.
Happiness, kindness, looking for what is bright instead of good, are all paintings over a layer of underlying sadness. However the effort, you cannot mask it. The psychological work is just that. You need to live again the past traumas to pass the trial that afflicts you. They call it "re-elaborate". The ancient ones said that there are trials we go through linearly. That is, they don't affect us, we just pass through. But each individual has a number of trials that he cannot go through and hits against. As it is a God sent trial, and as we did not pass it, it will keep repeating in our life (read the self fulfilling prophecy above), till we find the way to pass it. Then, once we have passed it, it won't affect us again, and we will be in the next step of cleansing to return to the Lord.

What I clearly perceive is that your underlying traumas and unhappiness are so strong that they keep popping up. You try to fight with self help books, study, etc., but you erected a very strong and high fence around yourself, which I sense. With your efforts, you only paint that fence. The way is to break the fence, not paint it. Because, even if something beautiful would happen in your life, that fence is part of that "fallback mechanism" that will prevent you from living in complete freedom that experience (both at an emotional and mental level, not to speak of a physical level). I am harsh, maybe offensive, because I am hitting that fence with a hammer. This is not changing you, because I know who is behind the fence. It's freeing you. The fence is not you.

Now, there is a so called "path of suffering", which most people walk. You are walking that, hitting against the wall of the trial in front of you and harming your head. It will keep like that, if you don't find another way. Having fences does not help to go through. It loads you with an extra burden and prevents you from being agile to overcome the obstacle. The other way is called "path of proactive change". That is, you realize the stage on which you are, know your traumas, yourself, your potentialities, the external environment, and take informed steps to overcome the issue. It does not involve suffering. It involves just your effort with the right "intention". Intention is half of the path already.

Instead of thinking that we are all different, we have different cultures, we react differently.... try to think for a moment that in the true we are all same. We are all from the same unique big adamic soul. Take the many languages of the world. They all have approximately the exact same words. That means that, despite cultural differences, we all work with a same mind, see the same things, give a name to them to describe the same things. We also have the same emotions, problems, joys. We are not that different.
Of course, cultural differences and life experience lead people to talk differently about the same thing. You may find an author thinking he has the key to something, but it does not resonate with you. But is that true? Maybe he sees that thing, which is the same you need, but simply he cannot express it in words that you will be able to understand and take as yours. Think of "inclusion" instead of "exclusion". That is, seeing the glass half full instead of half void.

I can assure you, there is sooooooo much good you have no idea of, as of yet. It is waiting for you, but you are stuck, too long now. I feel you never found one of those real "authors" that can really impact your life as they can revolutionize your entire world. I'm talking about a completely different language.... difficult to explain. When it will happen, you will know. For now, just believe, an entire universe is there, which you did not see yet.

Now, get ready for the shaking. Evil/Satan is widespread in modern society. It found its way through via atheism, science also, and many customs and aspects of society. Games... a fight with one another. That was a pagan custom. You may remember the fights in the Roman arenas. At that time, they died. Now we don't die, but it's just the same: a winner and a loser. That concept does not come from heaven, but instills in us the hate and the fact that we have to fight and overcome the others in our life. And they practice sports in the schools too... they develop the dark side since the young age.
That was just a small example, but one of the biggest problems - read, with you - is "self-esteem". Luring our ego, or the ego of another to please him. You are projected into this as a way to have good relations. That's Satan's teaching in the society. Christianity teaches you humbleness, forsaking our ego. Imagine your heart, or mind, as a glass. If you fill it with your ego, nothing else can get in. And we are intrinsically faulty, so we will fail at some point. And whose will you blame? You will defend your ego and give the blame to the others. What a toxic loop. The thing is that we need to break and annul our ego, and leave the glass empty in complete humbleness, so the light of the Lord will have the place it can fill. And we will become His vehicle, His chariot among the people. We will be transformed, reborn. Do you know what rebirth is? The first birth is to our ego. Then, the ego is crucified and the second birth is to God.
Self-esteem is just fencing around you, just what you should dismiss. Our mind wants to be finite, to grasp things. Demolishing the fences creates much anguish and suffering, just because our mind refuses to go from a finite to an infinite state. It is scare of the infinite. If we have no preventive barrier, what will happen? We will lose our mind! But those are all Satan's inspired thoughts, who prefers to keep us entrapped in a spider net.

You don't bring good, you bring bright. These words remind me of another word: Luci-fer, the bringer of light, or brightness. In all your posts one can perceive the kindness, effort for the good, but also the fallback to suffering and trauma, bouncing everything that does not seem suitable to you, and most of all... (as I said in other posts, but it's being bounced) you live in the struggle of the Tree of Good and Evil, always looking for ways to overcome evil, pleasing the other, hiding yourself, etc.
I am completely certain that the issue is just in your "ego", your expectations (under the light of your traumas). I know that it needs to be broken, and the castle has to fall. But you don't have to be afraid, because you are not alone. When all this will fall, you will find an unexpected surprise, more light that you have ever imagined.

You need to realize something. As for our nature, we are always projected in ourselves, our ego. It's a defense system that nature gave us. It's good when we have an incident and we maybe do a jump that saves our life. Our subconscious ego kicks in excluding our decisions, in that case. Our ego is not necessarily bad, but you need to confine it to its functions and not take the seat of the king. That is toward other persons also. Who do you serve? Their ego or God?
One thing that our ego does is operate in a coordinated way in us. That is, it focuses our mind, emotion, body, in one spot. The first thing it does is to prevent us from seeing the bigger picture. The thing I need you to realize is the bigger picture.
We are all made of mind, emotions and body. When a parent curses you, it's not their whole being. Mostly, there is something speaking in them that is altering or pressuring their ego. The egocentric person (usually kids are in this stage) has all centralized, cannot distinguish levels. A toe may be hurting, and they will curse you. Is that because they really mean to curse you? They just don't know how to drive their emotion out and it happens that they express it that way. Now, I'm not saying this is the case. Probably it's something else that was "bothering" them, and they reacted that way. But... it's a reaction of the ego. One day it is, the next day it is not, or it is something different. Look at the motivation, the cause. Enlarge the stage.
Now, you need to enlarge your stage too. You are cursed, you feel emotionally hurt. Then, this causes a mental work and suffering ensues. The more you think and the more you are caught in the loop. And you get a life time trauma. You need to realize that it is your "hurt ego". If you had no ego, or a small ego, it would not have hurt you. Probably, you would have laughed. You need to distinguish too. The issue was not meant to destroy you, despite it may seem sometimes. It was meant to satisfy something in someone's ego and they showed that over-reaction to you. They are acting their way. Should you be upset or hurt of that? Instead of feeling hurt, why don't you act consciously in answering back? If you see the stage, you know how to answer and play one's ego. The ego is always simple, like that of a baby.
Then, distinguish between your emotional reaction. The reaction of your mind should be: "Oh, I see this happening to me; now I will do this and that to fool that person's action, or maybe just to keep myself in the safe". Your mind can give the exit to the loop. You don't need to fall prey of one's dark side (ones' ego and its moods). If you reach the rebirth state and God sits on the throne of your heart, there is no place for the ego of the person attacking you. Instead, you have the tools for helping him.

The bad with me explaining those things is that they may not work when they are explained. They must be experienced and come from within you as your personal growth. When I say... be yourself and not subdued by the ruling of moods, egos, etc. Probably I am not doing a good job in trying to express you my thought, but I hope the seed is planted. Leave self-help books. You don't need to add anymore. You need to subtract. Let God carve you. Carving is removing the superfluous.
If you feel exhausted, hurt, mentally challenged, push the accelerator a bit further till your mind breaks literally. When you cannot win an obstacle, you need to accept it. This is the first step to release its burden. Let it hurt and hit you. After you are broken, you will realize you are not broken, and the obstacle will have no longer power on you. It's the process of the cross. Jesus had to be crucified... you too. The thing you cannot do, and unfortunately you are doing, is to keep the obstacle there, in front of you, just paint it a little, but feeling all its heaviness.

And then, there are the cycles of life. I see you in a 20-30 yo cycle, still paying attention to how people treat you. You need to know that all this is temporary. For example, when one has children, the mind changes drastically. At once, you are not thinking for yourself any longer. You think at how people treat your children. You become the grantor and the vehicle to their happiness.
So, God has set life in a way that brings our ego out of ourselves. Life itself is a path to enlightenment. I don't need to change you. Life will invariably change you. Also ,the burden of your family will change in your perception when someone will die, etc. There is a time that you will realize all and be free.
But... you can be free now too. Forget the languages of people, the inclinations, etc. We are all completing each other, we are not in a competition. It's true, being there changes people's perception. You need to serve the God part in the people instead of their ego. They may not understand right away, but one day they will.

The solution is always within, not without. Work inside. Your cultural framework is already good, there will be nothing new there.

As you see, I don't try to be kind. I don't try to bash either. I try neither to agree nor to disagree. I just do what I feel is right for you, because it's time to get rid of the burden you carry. All can really go according to God's will in your life. You just need to let go the obstacles to the flow...

Love should be just for the sake of love. If I say I love you, it means that I am there for you. I may have my thousand things or issues in life, we may have different views on something, we may have thousand conversations, but I am there for you and no one else. Because my life includes you and cannot be without you. Learning each other's language and all those things are things that are already included in that concept as a relapse. They should not even be the focus, as a true love means there will be many moments when the couple sits near one another, to feel each other and talk heart to heart. Love reads through each other's eyes, feels the other at a distance, always gives a smile, because we know that the other is thinking of us.
If you need to build the relation (aside obvious improvements) to find a common language, there is already something wrong. Love thinks for the good of the couple as a unity, not to please one or the other. It is always balanced. It is something more encompassing and full than 2 people that just get together and try to stay together. We need to speak the language of love rather the national language trying to represent love. It's no longer me and you. It's us. Love either transforms or breaks. It breaks if one or both cannot let their burden go, as they will interfere in their relation. But it can also heal :)

My mind now is not exhausted. I feel I can say too little of what I have in mind, but I cannot write a book here. My feeling is that all will be well. The pandemic is a good time to live with little, decrease our expectations, and cultivate our inner world. This is maybe the great teaching to the world now: To rediscover who we are. We have been used to be like machines, leading an unnatural rhythm of life. In the northern hemisphere, in the past, people worked in the fields during the spring to autumn. During winter, as it was too cold, they could only stay home. So, how did they occupy their time? They dedicated it to themselves. They made sculptures, played instruments, took care of themselves. That is to say, a time for the world, a time for ourselves. We need a time to be creative and do the things that are self-fulfilling. So, this time is like the family around the fireplace, telling stories, caring for each other, spending time together. Bonding time. Well.... I know in the Philippines there is no winter, so this is obviously the cultural image that I have. But it's quite true, indeed.

I'm posting no wish for the year to come, as we all know how it will be. I wish all to go through it with a personal enrichment.
"The real opposite of love is not hate, but indifference" (Rabbi Adin Steinsaltz)
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Re: Love Never Dies

Postby Sono_gioiosa » Mon Jan 04, 2021 9:04 pm

I learn to to look on the positive side of every situation.Life is indeed unpredictable, however our perspective about what is happening around us affects us and that how it shows in the physical world. And I do believe that what we think about it is what we become.

I am not saying that all that happens to me in the past are all bad, there are also good in it. Though I learn the hard way in life, however, I am grateful because when someone encounter such experiences that I have, it is easy to comfort someone because all those things are come to us as common to man, and God will make a way for us to escape, that we maybe able to bear it I Corinthians 10:13.

I acknowledge that I have this feeling of burden, however I can describe it as I feel it as what my family members feel. Family is like a body, when one part hurts , the whole body feels the affects. Distance does not change that. I do have the tendency to tell my brothers before to please not to cause any problem in the family more, however, i never fully understand what causes them to act that way. Which is why, it leads me to read more about people's behavior and what causes them to do that. But, the best thing that i can think of is to pray for them everyday for enlightenment. Indeed, we human being is a spiritual being just live in this physical body.

I had bitterness to my father long time ago, though I stayed with him with my two younger brothers, I never had a good relationship. I feel that he is lack of empathy and since he worked in the Arm Forces, he treated as the same way, and there is always a reminder to us, obey first before you complain. And sometimes, even to approach him, indeed necessary to ask permission first if we want to talk to him. All the pain that I experienced from him, I forgive and let it go and no more bitterness when I become a Christian. I learn to forgive because for the first place, it won't compare how Jesus have done for me. Reminiscing the past, I feel joy and sadness. It was during my highschool days, wherein I was NPA, (not New People's Army by No Permanent Address) to stay. For 4 years, each year, me and my younger siblings have different places to stay and that one of that year, we stayed in a church who seem adopted us because we cannot afford. Despite that sad experience compare now seeing my niece and nephews that all they need to do is just to focus in studies, do what they want to pursue, someone can lend a hand to them when they need help, it is really a blessing to them and they are surrounded with good and loving family.

I am fine and not crazy. Having a burden is not because I hate them or i feel bitter. But I feel their pain, their need, their concerns and so it affects me. I think, i just too emotional person and usually, i accept that I use my feelings more than my mind. Or maybe I feel that I am not thinking, or whatever. This modern times, I used to heard or read and encouraged that we need to listen to our hearts, to our inner voices, and to our guts. Yes, it is true that at this times we live in a world where we value is placed on what we project, not what you absorb. I do believe that it (listening) is underrated as it is even more valuable than speaking. Lives have been lost, wars fought, friendship wrecked, family is divided, relations are separated for lack of listening.

My father was a good writer and a good public speaker. He push me to my limits to read news papers everyday, speak english at home, squeeze my brain to talk dialogue or monologue. He wanted me to be a newscaster however i feel that he was not a listening father. Run for president in sixth grade and i was just 10 years old.

There is no doubt that listening is the most part of communication. Through listening, we can engage, understand, connect, emphathize and develop as human being. Indeed, listening is fundamental to any successful relationship, in personal or professional. That is why men are given two ears and one tongue so that we may hear from others twice as much as we speak as to ancient Greek philosopher. It is always important to listen, it always goes beyond just hearing what people say. I really try my best to listen. I try to go deeper too on what is really meant by someone like in my family members. Lately, I really try to listen to my mother, i let her vent all her feelings, her frustrations and all that she did in the past for my brothers however, her expectations that they will change, but become worst. And also that how it affects her physically and also her reaction towards my brothers. I know that there are heart issues, so by listening to her, i try to talk in normal way, agree with her feelings that she has frustrations, and I can feel it, open her eyes why my brothers are doing the things still doing the same thing. Until to the point that also try to open her eyes that the inner issues like anger, bitterness, frustrations which results from being dishonest, taking advantage, cannot accept life's circumstances, are need to address and come up with the solution to talk all of us and reconcile and forgive and more on and start all over again. How I hope and wish that there should also a degree of training that encourages or rewards the practice of listening as it is daunting that schools, universities have this platforms rewarding accolades set in place for good speakers. Look at my father, he was really good speaker, famous, popular, walking dictionary. I can say that, because of lack of listening from my parents, or anyone that I am trying to count on, I really get lonely and miserable. It is a feeling of being isolated and disconnected thus made me to the point of having twice injected by the doctor to sleep when i was rush to the hospital. Lonely person as i was, (as i am getting better no), people like me have no one with whom to share my thoughts and feelings just as i have no one shares thoughts and feelings with me. And i do believe that caused me anxiety. Not only to me but to people who experience the same. I remember, I lock my room, i just go to bed and try to sleep, without knowing I was already suffering anxiety. I really felt that no one is listening, after working in a highly stress job, coming home all i hear were problems, and fighting, and when the time i share my day or my stress, i just really wanted someone to talk, sitting beside me like my mom, i feel like she remains aloof, and also other people i talked to remains oblivious not just to me but to people around them.

In some ways, I feel that you (Mystic) want to know me and listen to me as you wanted me or other people here to open up, as to know better the person and have some assumptions about me. More than that, in connecting with my family, I used to connect with them as day to day activities as what life shapes us that adds nuance to our understanding of the people around us. I do believe that the person today is different from yesterday, and also not the same as tomorrow. Our attitudes, beliefs, opinions change as days go by. It is important to listen because because we might find comfort in shared values, and similar experiences and also find many different points that we diverge and it's by acknowledging and accepting those differences that we learn and develop understanding

May I ask, for all these time, you played game and reading my minds and my emotions to trick all those words that you said? I feel like it is hard to open up sometimes to people especially that i don't feel safe. I think it is understandably hard to connect with people whom we feel we are not safe at all like if we cannot trust if people understand us, or listen to us or even hurt us in return because of what we have shared. For some reason, metal diversions actually prevent us from digesting important points of a conversation. To be honest, I am an introvert person. And the more people I talked the more i feel exhausted. So, many times, i can also hardly to listen what people say and hard to absorb, listening, as an introvert, it is an onslaught, making hard or difficult for me to listen especially when the thought or speech differential or or strategy to read my mind or challenge my ego causes my mind to drift. For this, I back off, I keep silent and sometimes i am just walking in the air and just nothing to think at all. My mind is blank or my heart is heavy. For me, I feel being listened to if someone really not translate to have total agreement of what i say, instead it is just that it means to me that the person accept the legitimacy of my point of view. In doing this, it simply embrace the possibility that there might be multiple truths and understanding them all might to a larger truth. Just like I used to mentor my babies math subjects, sometimes they have different ways of solving it that i did not know, but arrive the same answer. Sometimes also, we just tease each other like, going to this way can lead to our destination some are straight and some are not. All i want for someone is just to support response me and not shift the conversation. When I have too much in my mind and in my heart, and i just feel that i want someone to connect in my heart and that I just want someone to be my sounding board. I am introvert and it is true that if someone loves you and you love him, you just want to have someone listen to you. Not necessary fix me right away, but to just have a listening heart and a hug. On the other hand, I can see that the problem in the family is kind of hard to fix especially that members of the family have barrages of anger, frustration, and distrust between the family. I just really hope when we come to the point of talking to each other, each member is being honest and accept the frustrations and forgive and move on. So that each one can be fred from this family problems and live a normal life. From now on, i really try my best to be careful to not shut someone out before giving them a benefit of an explanation or a chance to lay down the contents of my members of my family's hearts. I just really hope that because people change, change to be better, each member of the family should truly listen to each other and so we change the view we have for each other and just forget the past. Truly, me personally try to be a good listener, and a lot of people wants to talk but very few want to listen and people suffer, get sick, physically or mentally, from lack of empathy. It is important to have empathy if we are listener. Because it is difficult or impossible to develop sensitivity and respect for another's vulnerability without knowing what it's like to be vulnerable yourself. Just like me, i have so many dreams and ambitions in life and i really want to share what is inside me, of maybe a friend may wanted to share about significant events, niece and nephews revealing some concerns, or someone confessing their hearts feelings, or proposing idea, and that is sharing or giving the piece of herself and that really needs to listen to and handle with care and not manipulating, because in some point it creates distrust and unsafe feeling or a feeling of antagonism if we feel we cannot be real to someone. I am not a best listener but i am trying myself to be one. Yes, the person's life pattern is hard to change. Because we are emotional, facts sometimes won't convince us to change. Thus a catalyst needs to change someone's mind and so you tend to attack me emotionally?, is that so? I feel that, based on the previous readings, i feel like someone pooped his depends. What is he talking about! Again, i really feel that trying to persuade is what you do, rather than giving facts. Whatever you are trying to achieve, in some way, it kind of create antagonistic feelings. I know myself, i am sensitive, yes I am. But that are women are wired and created, weaker vessel, and so women are suppose to love and care. In Colossians 3:21, fathers should not provoke their children, lest they be discouraged. It is good if everybody lives a normal life, less fights, have respect, just be true and be gentle, no shouting, and no whining. It is really interesting to learn about study done by Psychologist Abraham Maslow, he points out the hierarchy of human needs. He explains their why people have different behavior, due to this needs. By studying this, i become more open minded and understanding why people act this way, and address their behavior. Before, i have a critical behavior about a person of doing this and doing that. But now, i mature in my dealings. Indeed, basic needs of the person is the top priority of the needs. People who experience poverty have 2 ways to behave, in a negative and positive way. A person can be then giver because they have been through difficulty or could be to frugal because they learn the hard ways. So simply means people reacts or respond to situations based on experiences. About the language of love, it is not pleasing others, however, a person expresses his/her love as the love in his/her love. A man expresses his love to the other by cooking as his nature loves cooking, he attracts the girl who.loves a guy who loves to cook. A guy who loves to express his love to the girl by service or helping out attracts the girl who loves to be treated like that. A guy who loves to talk to the girl or wants to have conversation attracts a woman who loves conversation or quality time. A guy who loves to meet a girls needs as his expression of love to the girl attracts the woman whom the guy who loves to meet his needs. A guy who loves to have physical touch as holding hand or hug attracts a girl who loves to have physical touch.

A guy who loves to show his love to the girl through gifts attracts the woman who loves to receiving gifts. And so on and so fort. That is what RM try to discuss and give advise and fix relationship. Know the top love language of your relation. Of course, it is not good to manipulate just to gain the heart of a girl. However, feeling being safe, in any relationship even in the family, or work, or in politics, trust and confidence prevails or simply a feeling of being safe is what most want in any relationship. In the family, we have different personality. Most of my 3 elder sisters are dominant. I can really feel it so with my mother. So in loving my family, we don't focus on the differences instead we feel grateful for all the things we have. That is true, love does not think of separation, or differences, but the power of love unifies us and eventually turns the power of attraction into the power of love. I do believe that the secret of attraction is to love ourselves. And so attractive people judge neither themselves nor others and they open the gesture of love. When someone shows love and affection, they provide us the inner strength to keep pushing, it is so powerful because it can bring life to dead situations. I never give up to my mother or brothers. I have been praying for them, even my nephew and it is really an answered prayer lately. He reconcile with his mom, God touch his heart during youth camp last Sunday. I never gave up on my mother, God change her heart slowly, my aunt just told us that she is now being slowly angered and complaining about life. I do believe that the value of our life is not based on what we have but by our love in our hearts. Negative feelings i think is just part of us and it simply means that we are human being. Truly, evolution has shaped our minds so that we are inevitably destined to suffer psychologically. Also, life involves pain.However, i learn that we can still be happy by living a rich, full and meaningful life by really taking action what matters to us deep in our hearts.

I beleive that we can only create and able to enjoy relationship with others when we create a working relationship with God first. Having a relationship with God comes first and above all other relationships and so it follows then having a good relationship to others. Because of busyness sometimes we tend to forget seeking Him first in our lives instead of putting Him first in our day. We overthink many things and figure out how things should work out, and in the end we tend to be worried about everything. I am like that in most of the times. I try to figure out how to solve problems, i want to be in control, i want things to be proper because i grew up with that kind of mindset, while extrovert people just go with the flow, they are spontaneous, but me i want things being prepared and ready first because i dont want things mess up but still still did. So, as time goes by, our perception change, our outlook change, our behavior change. As the saying goes, only change does not change.

Reading and listening music has greatly help me. Meditation helps clear my clouded mind and just continue to enjoy and do something. Hope that everything is well and in good health.
When you do not know what to do or which way to turn, smile. This will relax your mind and let the sunshine of happiness into your soul.
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